First published in The Hudson Review
Vacancy
After three days away, I thump my suitcase
up the stairs. Gone:
the tenant across the hall, the waterfall
of clothes tumbling from her dresser, the slink
of Coco, her golden tabby against my ankles. Some days,
while her owner splashed
in the Caribbean,
or peeled off for Maine in a black BMW,
I would open the door and pour Coco’s Nine Lives in her bowl.
She would come running, then stop.
You’re not her, her body said, bunched and backing up.
The Chileans are there now, splattering the air
with Spanish and loud radios.
They’ve come to paint; the smell sharp and authoritative
as if it were a line in the air, a velvet rope
dividing those of us who remain
from those on the side of departure.
I know all about things that vanish:
my father’s coffin descending on a sunny day,
sugar cubes dropped in froth,
and you of course
standing under a long ago
blaze of stars, your disappearance that muggy
July day complete as the absence of rain.
Sometimes I wonder if absence isn’t the normal
state of things, that what we take
for permanence is nothing
more than small miracles that momentarily
light up a dark sky;
fleeting as the bright burn of afterimage.
Still, I’m no wiser than that silly cat,
who, wherever she is, no doubt
stills runs to the door, heart accelerating
at every jingle of keys, every turn of deadbolt,
as if what is missing
is just on the other side.